Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Nothing, Nadda, Zero

I was supposed to have my transfer today, however this was cancelled since we didn't have any embryos. That's right, no embryos, nothing, nadda, zilch, zero. I now have a profound and deeper understanding of the words disappointed, deflated and dumbfounded.

Went to the clinic, with lots of hope, ready to take on the world and when the doctor steered us to the office rather than the treatment room, I got confused. Hey, I should be going the other way to prepare for transfer. This confusion soon got clarified, very quickly. Bad news, our eggs and sperm did not unite to form an embryo, so the transfer was off. They said that the eggs and sperm were of very good quality and that there is no explaination as to why they didn't connect. What the heck, were they too shy, did they not like each other, were they too lazy, did they have a headache, not in the mood? Why oh why didn't my eggs and his sperm connect to make at least 1 embryo, that's all we needed. 1 little teeny tiny embryo. C'est la vie and la vie sucks sometimes!

They said that next time they will inject/force the sperm into the egg. I never like to force anyone to do anything, but in this case, I think I can make an exception. When is next time? They said to contact them in September.

Now for some perspective, although the outcome of this 1st IVF cycle didn't work, I am thankful that my body can produce healthy eggs, as I had some huge doubts about it and that my hubby has healthy sperm. That's what they tell us, so I'll believe them. I am also thankful that this is not over, just put on hold for now. We will try again in September with a new action plan. I'm going to take this week to drown my sorrows, with what, I'm not sure, but I think I'll go and change into my PJs and snuggle with my cats. My kitty cats don't care about egg and sperm quality, but they sure care about getting lots of love and snuggles from us and this I can do very well.


Madelyn said...

Oh I'm sorry, I know that you and I are strangers but this brakes my heart but makes me smile. Your suffering is heartbraking but the love for your cats is how I feel about my cock-a-poo Teddy. I hope things get easier for you!
God Bless.

Stephanie Jean-Louis said...

Oh merde Shelly! I was thinking of you on Monday and it sounds like all went well (except for the local instead of general anesthetic - wow!) until transfer . . . UGH. I am so sorry and thinking of you - this totally sucks. If it's any consolation, at least you found out your ovaries are in working order! Six retrieved is GREAT. Hang in there and try and have a good weekend.

Makariya said...

I'm so sorry this cycle was a bust. Your attitude towards it is so encouraging. The right state of mind is always a big help. I think you should definitely do ICSI next time (I think this is what your Dr referred to when he talked about forcing sperm and egg to meet). I wish you lots of strength in the future.

Sonja said...

Oh no, I'm sorry *hugs*

Anonymous said...

Big hugs for Cat Lady and Cat Man. I find you both very inspirational and I wish you all the best in September. Thinking of you both.