Is the Fertility God Playing with Me?

It's Day 38 and I still don't have my period, so I have been pondering over these 3 possibilities:

1. My body has been through a lot and it's taking its good old time. Prior to my operation last year, I had my period every 28 days, I was regular as regular could get, but post op and after lots of hormone treatment, it would be every 30-31 days. For the record, the longest has been 35 days and I have never missed a period in my menstrual life (except for the 6 month hormone treatment).

2. At 36 years old, am I starting menopause? I have heard of women who start menopause early in life and I remember a long time ago, my mom said that someone in the family started menopause at 38. This thought really freaks me out, so I hope this possibility is a definite negative.

3. Could I possibly be pregnant? How could this be, I've been trying for almost 4 years! Is the Fertility God finally smiling on me?

When I mentioned this to my husband he encouraged me to buy a home pregnancy test. For the record, I have never bought a home preggers test, because it only brings up too much hope and most likely to be followed by disappointment. But this is Day 38 and I don't feel any period symptoms. Is my body playing scattergories and it's very confused or is it playing bingo and it achieved the winning combination so that I can jump up and yell BINGO!

Well, I caved in and bought the test this afternoon. After dinner, I was looking at it quite intensely, not sure if I should take it or not. I read the notice carefully, so that I wouldn't make any mistakes and it said that it can take up to 3 minutes for the results.
-1 line on the C means I'm not pregnant
-1 line on the T + 1 line on the C means I'm pregnant.
Well, I went for it and 10 seconds didn't even pass and there was a very thick visible line on the C. Man, I felt like this test just slapped me in the face. How rude, it could have at least waited 1 or 2 minutes before giving me the bad news. I did wait for the full 3 minutes to see if I would get that second line, but it never came. I'm not too down about it, as I knew that this possibility was very unlikely. One thing is for sure, this is the first and last time that I buy a home pregnancy test. So much drama for nothing.

By the way, when I bought the home pregnancy test, I also bought a lottery ticket. Let's hope my lottery ticket brings me more luck.

A Very Fertile Family Tree

My grandmothers on my father and mother's side were extremely fertile. My grandmother on my father's side had 6 children (5 boys and 1 girl) and my grandmother on my mother's side also had 6 children(4 girls and 2 boys).
Between 2 women they had 12 kids and that's pretty impressive! Well, it's impressive to me, because I'm trying to have just 1 and to have 6 just seems so incredible. Another impressive fact is that my grandmother had my mother when she was 43 years old. Back then, a woman giving birth at 43 was relatively rare, plus they had to deal with poverty, war, etc. Certainly not an easy time, but making babies seemed to be quite easy. My parent's generation also had a bunch of kids, expanding the family tree. From my generation, those who are married, all have kids, except for me. I've got a big family of uncles, aunts, cousins, a brother and even a grandmother who is over 90 years old and although we all live quite far from one another, they are very much in my thoughts and heart. Reflecting on all of this, I realized that I've got a very fertile family tree and I hope that I can expand my little branch one day.

At the end of the month, I'll be turning 37. Usually I love birthdays, but this year I've got some mixed feelings about it. 37 is not old by any means, but I've read so many articles about the significant decline in getting pregnant after 35. I'm over 35 plus I have endometriosis, so where does that leave me? One thing is for sure, I will not get pregnant at 36, so is 37 my lucky number? Will I beat the odds? I really don't know, but I'll keep trying, I'll keep hoping and I am happy to be a part of the family tree as a wife, daughter, sister, granddaughter, cousin and aunt. Wow, I've got a lot of titles on my family tree, but I just want one more to make it complete.

Hello Kitty

I'm the Cat Lady so it's time to introduce my family of furry felines. To give you some background, before I met my hubby, I was actually a dog person and did not like cats. I was actually afraid of cats, thinking they liked to scratch people with their sharp claws and I also had some allergies. My husband has a total passion for cats and with time I converted and also became a cat lover (even got over my allergies). Getting to know what cats are truly like, they are amazing creatures! I've also become one of those people who buy cat things, like cat posters, cat figurines, and I even have a cat t-shirt (the t-shirt is for me, not for my cat. I do not dress my cats up in ridiculous outfits). A bit over the top, but trust me, these are unique cat items, not the tacky stuff.



This is Tigrette (aka Titi) and she is the first cat we adopted. She has the character of a little tiger, she's very intelligent, knows how to open doors and loves to eat.



This is Lucille (aka Lulu) and she is the second cat we adopted. She loves to snuggle, would win any meowing contest, as she has strong vocal cords and in the summer I put sunblock on her ears, as they are white and burn quite easily.



This is Black Jack (aka Blacky) and he is the third cat we adopted. I thought it was so cute when he was in front of this Chat Noir poster. He's always doing cute things without even knowing it.



This is Foxy and he is the fourth cat we adopted. He likes his freedom, wonders off to who knows where during the day and comes by for dinner when he gets hungry. Then he's off again!

We are one big happy cat family!

"If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat." - Mark Twain

Favorite Things To Do

To get over the disappointment, I did some of my favorite things to cheer myself up.

1. Ate at my favorite restaurant with my husband. Traditional French food, lovely presentation and each bite was a delight. I am a real gourmande.

2. Had a 75 minute full body massage. This put me in a total zen state of mind.

3. Bought some new sandals. Wearing pretty footwear always puts a smile on my face.

4. Made lots of pain perdu, which we call French toast. Best comfort food and with a little bit of maple syrup, it's heavenly! The trick to pain perdu, which I just learned, is to use old baguette/bread,otherwise it gets too soggy.

5. Had a girls night out which consisted of a movie, dinner and of course lots of girl talk.

My hubby, cats, friends and family have been very supportive and this has helped immensely. I'm trying not to let infertility get to me, although to be honest it does wear me down. We'll still fight the fight and we may have lost the battle this time, but not the war. Next appointment with the doctor is on 8 September 2010.

Nothing, Nadda, Zero

I was supposed to have my transfer today, however this was cancelled since we didn't have any embryos. That's right, no embryos, nothing, nadda, zilch, zero. I now have a profound and deeper understanding of the words disappointed, deflated and dumbfounded.

Went to the clinic, with lots of hope, ready to take on the world and when the doctor steered us to the office rather than the treatment room, I got confused. Hey, I should be going the other way to prepare for transfer. This confusion soon got clarified, very quickly. Bad news, our eggs and sperm did not unite to form an embryo, so the transfer was off. They said that the eggs and sperm were of very good quality and that there is no explaination as to why they didn't connect. What the heck, were they too shy, did they not like each other, were they too lazy, did they have a headache, not in the mood? Why oh why didn't my eggs and his sperm connect to make at least 1 embryo, that's all we needed. 1 little teeny tiny embryo. C'est la vie and la vie sucks sometimes!

They said that next time they will inject/force the sperm into the egg. I never like to force anyone to do anything, but in this case, I think I can make an exception. When is next time? They said to contact them in September.

Now for some perspective, although the outcome of this 1st IVF cycle didn't work, I am thankful that my body can produce healthy eggs, as I had some huge doubts about it and that my hubby has healthy sperm. That's what they tell us, so I'll believe them. I am also thankful that this is not over, just put on hold for now. We will try again in September with a new action plan. I'm going to take this week to drown my sorrows, with what, I'm not sure, but I think I'll go and change into my PJs and snuggle with my cats. My kitty cats don't care about egg and sperm quality, but they sure care about getting lots of love and snuggles from us and this I can do very well.

No Pain, No Gain

Went this morning for egg retrieval and normally I was supposed to be under general anaesthesia, however the anaesthetist was busy so I went under local and ouch, it hurt like hell! They tried to distract me by showing me the monitor as my eggs were getting aspirated, however the pain was really overwhelming so I just shut my eyes real tight, cried a bit (or a lot), hoping for this to be over asap. Thank goodness it didn't take too long (about 15 minutes). They got 6 eggs, a bit disappointing as I thought I'd have around 10, but they said it is a good number. Somewhat tired and feeling like someone beat up my ovaries.

I am scheduled for the transfer on Wednesday morning. Almost there!

Gotta Love The Cat Man

Woke up this morning feeling irritated as I had so many mosquito bites around my ankle area. I complained to the Cat Man and he gave me some kind of medical cream, but I told him I don't want to take any kind of medicine during IVF, even a cream. He put on his thinking cap and with a cotton ball he rubbed vinegar on my ankle. Don't know how he knew, but it worked like magic, the itchiness went away!

Thus far, this IVF thing has been kind to me, as I have not felt too many side effects, other than some sore breasts the last couple of days. Then it hit me at lunch time, huge pain, which consisted of major cramps followed by a very achy neck and back. I was in so much pain that I bawled my eyes out. The Cat Man rubbed my tummy, tried to massage my back and even called the emergency (they were not much help). I was a big hot mess! I put a hot pad on my stomach and was able to take a cat nap, but it was short lived, as I was feeling major cramps again, which put my whole body in pain. The Cat Man told me to take a very very deep breath, hold it for a few seconds, and then let it out slowly. He had me continue this over and over again. I was not really keen at the beginning, because even taking deep breathes pained me. Well, thank goodness the Cat Man encouraged me to continue, as it worked like a charm! After about 5 minutes of deep breathing, the pain went away. I still feel bloated, but the pain, which was unbearable, was gone.

We are not really into homeopathic remedies, but I am now a believer. The Cat Man said that we should look more into natural solutions, rather than always running to the medicine cabinet. I am all for it! The Cat Man's clients call him Macgyver, because he can fix anything and he is also my Doctor Shepherd, because he takes such good care of me when I feel sick. I am one lucky lady to have a Macgyver and a Doctor Shepherd all in one man.